"Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom."
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Quote collection
Alan King quotes (page 1 of 3)
48 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers."
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"If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books."
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"Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom."
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"I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice."
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"We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke."
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"A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!"
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"Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?"
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"You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look."
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"If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something."
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"My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'"
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"As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced."
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"The other day my house caught fire. My lawyer said, "Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?" I said, "Fire and theft." The lawyer frowned. "Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.""
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"I'm only... I'm only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I'm a... I'm just screaming all over the place with joy."
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"My father was a dreamer - my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady's handbags, an old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: 'Don't end up like me.'"
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"Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing. We set no styles, no standards. We're reflections. It's a distorted mirror in the fun house. We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it."
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"I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special."
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"When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted."
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"The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life."
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"I won't eat in a place that has suits of armor."
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