"I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still."
"How did Italy manage to end up with no Caribbean islands at all? Christopher Columbus took the trouble to discover the Caribbean personally before the end of the fifteenth century. Try to get a decent plate of spaghetti there now."
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More quotes by Calvin Trillin
"Many Texas barbecue fanatics have a strong belief in the beneficial properties of accumulated grease."
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
"The shelf life of the average trade book is somewhere between milk and yogurt."
"As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler."
"When it comes to Chinese food I have always operated under the policy that the less known about the preparation the better. A wise diner who is invited to visit the kitchen replies by saying, as politely as possible, that he has a pressing engagement elsewhere."