"Breakfast is a notoriously difficult meal to serve with a flourish."
"If anyone tells me I'm fat, I say, - That's because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit"
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More quotes by Clement Freud
"To barbecue is a way of life rather than a desirable method of cooking."
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer."
"About one thing the Englishman has a particularly strict code. If a bird says Cluk bik bik bik bik and caw you may kill it, eat it or ask Fortnums to pickle it in Napoleon brandy with wild strawberries. If it says tweet it is a dear and precious friend and you'd better lay off it if you want to remain a member of Boodles."
"Owning a racehorse is probably the most expensive way of getting on to a racecourse for nothing."
"In moments of considerable strain, I tend to take to bread-and-butter pudding. There is something about the blandness of soggy bread, the crispness of the golden outer crust and the unadulterated pleasure of a lightly set custard that makes the world seem a better place to live."