"No matter how old you are, if a little kid hands you a toy phone... you answer it."
"Listen, here it is: Technically, I never quit. I'm seven years late for work."
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More quotes by Dave Chappelle
"Things like racism are institutionalized. You might not know any bigots. You feel like "well I don't hate black people so I'm not a racist," but you benefit from racism. Just by the merit, the color of your skin. The opportunities that you have, you're privileged in ways that you might not even realize because you haven't been deprived of certain things. We need to talk about these things in order for them to change."
"The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself, especially when everybody is watching."
"What did the 5 fingers say to the face. S L A P!"
"I think extreme sports are really good for relieving stress."
"Dave! Relax! Close your buttcheeks!"