"Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience."
"...as for helping me in the outside world, the Convent taught me only that if you spit on a pencil eraser, it will erase ink."
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Source: Dorothy Parker (2004). “Dorothy Parker in Her Own Words”, Taylor Trade Publishing
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"The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue."
"The only dependable law of life - everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be."
"Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye."
"I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host."
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician."