"Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience."
"Just begin a story with such a phrase as 'I remember Disraeli - poor old Dizz! - once saying to me, in answer to my poke in the eye,' and you will find me and Morpheus off in a corner, necking."
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Source: Dorothy Parker (1970). “A month of Saturdays: thirty-one famous pieces by Constant Reader”
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"The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue."
"The only dependable law of life - everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be."
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"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician."