"I knew I was going bald when it was taking longer and longer to wash my face."
"My dad used to say 'Always fight fire with fire,' which is probably why he got thrown out of the the fire brigade."
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Source: Harry Hooton (1961). “It is Great to be Alive”
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"It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames."
"You might heckle me now - but when I get home, I've got a chicken in the oven."
"You can tell a lot about someone's personality if you know his star sign -Jesus, born on 25 December, fed the five thousand, walked on water -typical Capricorn."
"I went to a restaurant the other day called 'Taste of the Raj.' The waiter hit me with a stick and got me to build a complicated railway system."
"The mobile phone, the fax, emails. Call me old fashioned, but what's wrong with a chain of beacons?"