"Asthma doesn't seem to bother me any more unless I'm around cigars or dogs. The thing that would bother me most would be a dog smoking a cigar."
"I do not understand those who take little or no interest in the subject of religion. If religion embodies a truth, it is certainly the most important truth of human existence. If it is largely error, then it is one of monumentally tragic proportions—and should be vigorously opposed."
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Source: First broadcast of The Tonight Show, 1953.
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"One of the nice things about problems is that a good many of them do not exist except in our imaginations."
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"Thousands of years ago only Christ could walk on the water. Today anybody can do it; you just step on the garbage."
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