"I was talking to my friend from New York yesterday, and I used the expression, 'You can't polish a turd'. He looked at me, disgusted, and said, 'No, you can't, but you can roll it in glitter'. He's a lovely guy but I wouldn't want to go to a craft fair with him"
"My Nan had a plastic hip put in, but I thought she should have replaced it with a Slinky, 'cause if she fell down the stairs again."
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"I think it's always when you go to caddie for another player, it's no different to when you start with a new player. The very most important thing is when you get the first opportunity to have a win is to try and show them that you know what you're doing. It's easier said than done."
"If you want me to come and caddie for you full time, you've got to sit down and do some hard work and do some hard yards because that's what I expect."
"When you're told as a caddie we need to take a break, you're fired."
"Obviously I'm very confident, not only on the golf course, when I race. I've always backed myself. I'm a very confident sort of person."
"The reality is that these cases are happening all the time. It's when they get out of control that you have a problem."