"There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way."
"I'm not cruel, sir, I won't shoot you in the guts, but I will make you realize how much you took your toes for granted."
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More quotes by Terry Pratchett
"The worst thing you can do is nothing."
"My experience in Amsterdam is that cyclists ride where the hell they like and aim in a state of rage at all pedestrians while ringing their bell loudly, the concept of avoiding people being foreign to them."
"There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this."
"Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all."
"Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four."