"My definition of love is: Being willing to die for someone, that you yourself want to kill."
"A true friend will go with the instagram filter that flatters you."
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Source: Twitter post from Nov 21, 2013
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More quotes by Whitney Cummings
"I was joking the other day about how my real life feels like a TV show, and my TV life feels real - because, to be on Thursday nights on NBC, which is what I grew up with, has been such a big part of inspiring me. To be part of that tradition is really completely surreal, and I'm so grateful."
"I feel like, in a lot of shows where the woman is in charge, the woman is this ball buster and the guy is sort of weak and spineless. And that's never been my experience in a relationship. I think it's much more interesting that the guy is the boss. And there are stakes."
"There was a time in L.A. when I drove to 7-Eleven to go grocery shopping, and I locked my keys in my car, which wasn't insured. My wallet was in there, and I couldn't call AAA, because I only had $7 in my bank account. It was one of those moments where I was like, 'O.K., I literally have nothing right now."
"When a guy writes a scene where a woman does a deviant sex act on camera, it's objectifying. But when a woman writes it, it's feminism."
"I have so much to be thankful for. I work with the most amazing people, get to make people laugh for a living and have the most amazing friends. But, I am mostly thankful for Spanx."