"I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass."
"I've always been very self-motivated."
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More quotes by David Lee Roth
"Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it."
"I would just like to say that after all these years of heavy drinking, bright lights and late nights, I still don't need glasses. I drink right out of the bottle."
"If you subtracted all of the great artists who never drank, who never went to excess, you wouldn't have any more art left. What kind of poem are you gonna get out of a glass of iced tea?"
"The perfect woman has an IQ of 150, wants to make love until 4 in the morning, then turns into a pizza!"
"When I die, sprinkle my ashes over the 80's."