"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
"Johnny Carson is a comedian who is seen every night in millions of bedrooms all over America...and that's why his last wife left him."
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More quotes by Dean Martin
"The whole world is drunk and we're just the cocktail of the moment. Someday soon, the world will wake up, down two aspirin with a glass of tomato juice, and wonder what the hell all the fuss was about."
"When your opponent's sittin' there holdin' all the aces, there's only one thing to do: kick over the table."
"When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine, that's amore."
"If this is just the beginning, my life's gonna be beautiful."
"I was so drunk last night I fell down and missed the floor."