Friedrich Nietzsche
Philosopher, Writer
"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything."
Humorous quotes
Humorous
1.6K quotes on this topic — from poets, philosophers, and thinkers across history.
Gene Wilder
Actor, comedian
"Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple"
Muhammad Ali
Boxer, Activist
"I'll tell you how I'd like to be remembered: As a black man who won the heavyweight title - Who has humorous and who never looked down on those who looked up to him - A man who stood for freedom, justice and equality - And I wouldn't even mind if folks forgot how pretty I was."
Winston Churchill
Politician, Writer, Historian
"Everyone is in favor of free speech. Hardly a day passes without its being extolled, but some people's idea of it is that they are free to say what they like, but if anyone else says anything back, that is an outrage."
Karl Marx
Philosopher, Economist
"Catch a man a fish, and you can sell it to him. Teach a man to fish, and you ruin a wonderful business opportunity."
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Humorous quotes (page 1 of 81)
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"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"
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"Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute."
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"To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research."
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"Entrepreneurs are simply those who understand that there is little difference between obstacle and opportunity and are able to turn both to their advantage."
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"If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail."
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"When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber."
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"What a fine weather today! Can’t choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself."
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"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
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"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
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"There is no such thing as bad whiskey. Some whiskeys just happen to be better than others. But a man shouldn't fool with booze until he's fifty; then he's a damn fool if he doesn't."
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"People who know little are usually great talkers, while men who know much say little."
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"We do not rejoice in victories. We rejoice when a new kind of cotton is grown and when strawberries bloom in Israel."
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"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so."
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"A gentleman is someone who can play the accordion, but doesn't."
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"The whole imposing edifice of modern medicine is like the celebrated tower of Pisa - slightly off balance."
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"When my cats aren't happy, I'm not happy. Not because I care about their mood but because I know they're just sitting there thinking up ways to get even."
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"Don't play the saxophone. Let it play you."
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"To me, fast food is when a cheetah eats an antelope."
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"Why do they call it "rush hour" when nothing moves?"
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"An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last."
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