"Think before you speak. Read before you think."
"Anti-smoking sentiment has replaced middle-class morality entirely. The smoker has taken the place of the homosexual. Today you hear people say things about smokers that used to be said about homosexuals - they pollute the environment; you don't want them around your children."
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More quotes by Fran Lebowitz
"In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra."
"My favorite animal is steak."
"The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive."
"A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain."
"As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you."