"In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra."
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Quote collection
Fran Lebowitz quotes (page 1 of 20)
389 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Think before you speak. Read before you think."
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"My favorite animal is steak."
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"The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive."
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"A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain."
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"As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you."
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"Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat."
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"Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass."
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"There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter"
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"The terrible state of public education has paid huge dividends in ignorance. Huge. We now have a country that can be told blatant lies - easily checkable, blatant lies - and I'm not talking about the covert workings of the CIA. When we have a terrorist attack, on September 11, 2001 with 19 men - 15 of them are Saudis - and five minutes later the whole country thinks they're from Iraq - how can you have faith in the public? This is an easily checkable fact. The whole country is like the O.J. Simpson jurors."
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"I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not."
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"Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying."
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"Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens."
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"Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met."
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"If you removed all of the homosexuals and homosexual influence from what is generally regarded as American culture, you would pretty much be left with Let's Make a Deal."
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"Your responsibility as a parent is not as great as you might imagine. You need not supply the world with the next conqueror of disease or major motion picture star. If your child simply grows up to be someone who does not use the word "collectible" as a noun, you can consider yourself an unqualified success."
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"I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word - politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit."
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"I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?"
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"A salad is not a meal, it is a style."
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"London: A place you go to get bronchitis."
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