"I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."
"A thing that has always baffled me about women is that they will saturate themselves with a pint of perfume, a pound of sachet powder, an evil-smelling lip rouge, a peculiar-smelling hair ointment and a half-dozen varieties of body oils, and then have the effrontery to complain of the aroma of a fine dollar cigar."
11 likes
Source: Fictional character: Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff. Horse Feathers, 1932.
About the author
Same author
More quotes by Groucho Marx
"If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you."
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."
"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere."
"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."