"I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."
"I'd like to meet the person who invented sex and see what they're working on now."
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Source: Horse Feathers (motion picture) (1932). Screenplay by Will B. Johnstone, Bert Kalmar, S. J. Perelman, and Harry Ruby.
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