"I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."
"I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there."
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Source: Groucho Marx (2007). “The Groucho Letters: Letters from and to Groucho Marx”, p.211, Simon and Schuster
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