"All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911."
"The thing is, whenever I see Hillary Clinton, I feel like I have to vote for her. She makes me feel guilty because I feel like I should vote for her so that she'll feel better about herself because she'd been in such a bad marriage."
17 likes
Source: The White Album. Comedy album, 2000.
About the author
Same author
More quotes by Lewis Black
"The only thing dumber than a Democrat or a Republican is when those pricks work together. You see, in our two-party system, the Democrats are the party of no ideas and the Republicans are the party of bad ideas. It usually goes something like this. A Republican will stand up in Congress and say, 'I've got a really bad idea.' And a Democrat will immediately jump to his feet and declare, 'And I can make it sh*ttier.'"
"MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!"
"I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake."
"Stupid presidents, smart presidents, white presidents, black presidents - doesn't work! What this country needs is a crazy Third World dictator. And Donald Trump has what it takes to be that. He's already got a plane with his name on it, solid gold buildings, a harem..."
"There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice."