"My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?"
"I don't visit my parents often because Delta Airlines won't wait in the yard while I run in."
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More quotes by Margaret Smith
"There's a light at the end of the tunnel. And it's a train."
"Sin recognized but that may keep us humble, But oh, it keeps us nasty."
"My femininity is always something I've tried to preserve in this dog-eat-dog world."
"I went out to dinner with a Marine last weekend. He looked across the table and he goes, "I could kill you in seven seconds." I go, "I'll just have toast, then.""
"The best contraceptive is the word no - repeated frequently."