"If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?"
"I was surprised to learn that doing household chores qualifies as romantic for most of you [women]. That's exactly why you should never hire a butler if you strike it rich - the minute that Jeeves starts unloading the dishwasher without being asked, your wife is going to start humping his leg."
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