"After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash my Y-fronts for a month."
"This friend of mine had a terrible upbringing. When his mother lifted him up to feed him, his father rented the pram out. Then, when they came into money later, his mother hired a woman to push the pram - and he's been pushed for money ever since."
7 likes
Source: Cheyenne McCray (2009). “Demons Not Included: A Night Tracker Novel”, p.78, Macmillan
About the author
Same author
More quotes by Chic Murray
"I was taking my dog out the other day and I met this chap who asked me where I was going. The dog is foaming at the mouth, so I explained that I was on my way to the vet to have it put down. He asked if it was mad, to which I replied that it wasn't exactly pleased about it."
"I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows. When I woke up, my pillow was missing."
"So there I was lying in the gutter. A man stopped and asked '"What's the matter? Did you fall over?" So I said "No. I've a bar of toffee in my back pocket and I was just trying to break it.""
"The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder."
"She's a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right."