"Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with."
"Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions."
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Source: 10 hilarious tweets from the great Dana Gould by Liana Maeby, uproxx.com. January 21, 2014.
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"Competition is the death of art."
"Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?"
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"Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog."
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