"I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert."
About the author
Demetri Martin
Comedian, Actor
Demetri Martin is a comedian, writer, and actor known for his clever observational humor and unique blend of stand-up and visual art.
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More quotes by Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin
Comedian, Actor
"How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray."
Demetri Martin
Comedian, Actor
"I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine."
Demetri Martin
Comedian, Actor
"The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man."
Demetri Martin
Comedian, Actor
"A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy."
Demetri Martin
Comedian, Actor
"Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you."