"I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert."
"When someone asks you the question 'Are you ticklish' it doesn't matter if you say yes or no, cause they're going to touch you. If someone asks if you're ticklish and you don't want to be touched you should something like 'I have diarrhea, now don't touch me cause you'll make it come out... and yes I'm very ticklish'."
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Source: Demetri Martin (2011). “This Is a Book”, p.40, Hachette UK
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