"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"
"When something is 'new and improved', which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it."
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Source: George Carlin (2007). “The Best of Brain Droppings”, p.11, Peter Pauper Press, Inc.
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"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam."
"I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?"
"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."
"Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation.You have no choice. You have owners. They own you. They own everything. They own all the important land. They own, and control the corporations. They've long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear."
"Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it."