"There is something supremely reassuring about television; the worst is always yet to come."
"Mr. Presley has no discernible singing ability. His specialty is rhythm songs which he renders in an undistinguished whine; his phrasing, if it can be called that, consists of the stereotyped variations that go with a beginner's aria in a bathroom. For the ear, he is an unutterable bore."
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Source: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey, Berkley Publishing Group, 1992.
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"Mr. Presley has no discernible singing ability . . . For the ear he is an unutterable bore, not nearly so talented as Frank Sinatra back in the latter's rather hysterical days at the Paramount Theater."
"Commercials on television are similar to sex and taxes; the more talk there is about them, the less likely they are to be curbed."
"Why not pick up the new full-length motion picture at the corner drugstore and then run it through one's home TV receiver?"
"Mr. Presley has no discernible singing ability."
"It's like being called up in the draft. The peculiar joy of hemorrhaging without bleeding starts when the evil little red light glows on the monstrous camera."