"I am a person who is trained to look other people in the eye. But I can't look into the eyes of everyone who wants to look into mine; I can't emotionally cope with that kind of volume. Sunglasses are part of my armor."
"With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson. Without them, I'm fat and 60."
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"There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend."
"People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch."
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"I'm Irish. I think about death all the time."
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