Quote collection
46 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"If I found the cure for dystrophy tomorrow, I would do a telethon in four weeks for acute pain that in this country is a bigger problem than cancer, heart, sickle cell, anemia, name it. It is - it's hitting 70 million Americans."
"People hate me because I am a multifaceted, talented, wealthy, internationally famous genius."
"Adrenaline is wonderful. It covers pain. It covers dementia. It covers everything."
"From 1936 on, I have taken more falls than any other 20 comedians put together. From the time I was 21, I've taken them on everything from clay courts to cement to wood floors, coming off pianos, going out a two-story window, landing on Dean, falling into the rough. You do that and you're gonna have problems."
"Don't give me paper - I can get the same lawyer who drew it up to break it. But if you shake my hand, that's for life."
"When I hit around 65, 66, I started to feel tremendous worth and incredible personal esteem. I was becoming very cognisant of my contribution to the American spirit of helping your fellow man and all of the good stuff."
"Gambling is part of the human condition. I love it. I have the best time gambling. I've been winning fortunes, and I've been losing them."
"Pity? You don't want to be pitied because you're a cripple in a wheelchair? Stay in your house!"
"I tell young comics, 'Do you want this badly enough? It's there. But you have to go get it. And if you think I'm going to give you the key to the lock of that door, there is no key, there is no lock, and there is no door.'"
"I really am opinionated, but not for long. I have found myself coming off of what I think of something because the guy I'm talking to makes better sense than I am. I have so many points of view, I can't keep track of 'em, because I talk to too many people... I'm not so opinionated that I won't budge."
"When I was onstage doing the work, adrenaline killed the pain because I never hurt in front of an audience."
"If I've learned anything in the more than 50 years that I've led MDA, it's that the generosity of the American people knows no bounds. I'm sure that with their fellow citizens in such dire need, they'll dig deep and do everything they can to help. I'm hopeful that many people will be willing to make two phone calls and donate to both causes."
"I never got a formal education. So my intellect is my common sense. I don't have anything else going for me. And my common sense opens the door to instinct."
"When I would be myself, I was being big-headed. I was being egotistical. I was a megalomaniac, when it really was just having not to be a monkey for a few hours a day. And fulfilling the need to be a man."
"Postwar America was a very buttoned-up nation. Radio shows were run by censors, Presidents wore hats, ladies wore girdles. We came straight out of the blue - nobody was expecting anything like Martin and Lewis. A sexy guy and a monkey is how some people saw us."
"(The Nutty Professor) was a labor of love. It was a total film. It was the most productive, creative work of my life."
"I turned down 'Some Like It Hot.' See how smart I am? I felt I couldn't bring anything funny to it. The outfit was funny. I don't need to compete with the wardrobe."
"If you're an old pro, you know how well you're doing when you're doing it, and your inner government spanks you if you're not doing well."
"I think the cartoons that they're children are watching, particularly 'The Simpsons,' they're OK. I think that the adult audience is making much too much of the danger that they imply. That's not the case. The danger for children today, honey, is the news. Keep them away from news on television."
"The young man who's had the Guggenheim fortune behind him all his life - he can hire all the authorities on the subject to teach him how to do a monologue, but he's never going to have the right stuff to pull it off. If he doesn't walk out onstage needing to walk out there, he doesn't have a dream of doing well."