"It's a hard, lonely feeling, to be completely yourself in front of strangers."
"It's weird doing a show on a Saturday, because we get the news after everybody had their way with it. We still have to find a way to get something fresh out of the story, but also keep the integrity of it. A lot of times the obvious take is so obvious it's already been on Twitter, so we gotta find a new thing."
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"What joke can I say about Donald Trump that he hasn't said about himself? When he gets dressed, he comes out as Donald Trump. We've made fun of his hair for 30 years. It's still the same if not worse. There's nothing we could really say about him."
"I believe in equality. But I don't like the word feminist, because it's such a rational belief to think that women are equal to men, and I'm a rational person. You shouldn't be labeled for being reasonable. You should be labeled if you're f-cking crazy."
"Donald Trump is making decisions that affect people's day-to-day life, and he's constantly, constantly making some crazy announcement. It's like, "Well, what are we supposed to talk about? The D train? Traffic?" Trump is the one guy that's like, "Yeah, I'll do 90 minutes of live comedy. Seems easy enough.""
"One of the hardest things in the world to say is "President Trump," and not out of disrespect - just because people have known him just as Donald Trump for so long. It would be like if people said, "He's a doctor now, call him Doctor Trump.""
"That's my only goal: Stay off crack."