Quote collection
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"What joke can I say about Donald Trump that he hasn't said about himself? When he gets dressed, he comes out as Donald Trump. We've made fun of his hair for 30 years. It's still the same if not worse. There's nothing we could really say about him."
"It's a hard, lonely feeling, to be completely yourself in front of strangers."
"In comedy you work with people so often that they just become familiar faces - it's like a fraternity."
"That's my only goal: Stay off crack."
"One of the hardest things in the world to say is "President Trump," and not out of disrespect - just because people have known him just as Donald Trump for so long. It would be like if people said, "He's a doctor now, call him Doctor Trump.""
"Donald Trump is making decisions that affect people's day-to-day life, and he's constantly, constantly making some crazy announcement. It's like, "Well, what are we supposed to talk about? The D train? Traffic?" Trump is the one guy that's like, "Yeah, I'll do 90 minutes of live comedy. Seems easy enough.""
"I believe in equality. But I don't like the word feminist, because it's such a rational belief to think that women are equal to men, and I'm a rational person. You shouldn't be labeled for being reasonable. You should be labeled if you're f-cking crazy."
"Donald Trump is Donald Trump! He doesn't apologize for who he is. We know he's tacky. We know he's orange. We know he's got a bad haircut."
"No matter how you feel, you've got to be able to laugh at yourself. If you can laugh at Donald Trump, then you better be able to laugh at yourself, too. For us as comedians, we have to point out what's funny."
"When you inherit a segment that people grew up with, they are like, "This is not what I'm used to." It's hard. There's a period where you're trying to do what people are used to and fulfill what they miss. After a while you just have got to shake it off and be yourself."
"As a guy comedian, your special is probably the closest thing to the excitement of a wedding day. It's your first one, and you want it to be perfect, and you want it to mean something. You want it to look good."
"I've learned a lot just being around people who grew up so differently from me, which is cool. It teaches you how to be a lot more tolerant. The bigger your world is, the more tolerant and accepting you become, because you have friends from all walks of life. You learn to be a little bit less selfish."
"People used to say, "Oh, I like SNL show, it's funny." And this 2017 season, people were saying, "Oh, I love the show, I needed it, thank you." It started towards the end of last year, when the Primary started to heat up. I remember in the summertime people were excited for it, talking about SNL in July and August."
"I don't like to travel. I go out. When you do stand up, you travel a lot. Just working out. I don't really enjoy it. I like New York. There's nothing really like New York. Everything just becomes a worse version of New York."
"I think when you first get a job, you're just trying to do what the last regime did, just to keep it going, as opposed to actually doing what you want to do."
"I feel like it's a lot easier to parody Democrats just because they take themselves so seriously. I think Republicans have a little bit more of an open mind as to how ridiculous they are. Democrats pride themselves in being the highbrow, smart, right choice."
"I would say Colin Jost is Kanye West because he takes like the creative risk a lot of times, whereas I'm like, "Uh, I don't know...""
"Of course there's a backlash. Of course. Look, half the country voted for Donald Trump. But I think one of the things that we try to do on Update is we try to hit him on the facts. If Hillary Clinton was President we would be making fun of her just as much. We're not trying to be right, we're not trying to be wrong, we're trying to be funny."
"That's one of the things about comedy that annoys me the most from a comedian perspective. Comedy has gotten so segregated. Now it's like if you don't agree with somebody, you probably aren't going to like their jokes. I think comedians are starting to write for their audience and not towards the country."
"I guess Trump is joke-worthy more than ever because he's the president. I think Donald Trump being president is more about where the country is at as opposed to it actually being about Donald Trump. It feels like going to couples therapy and really finding out how your other half feels."