"Dedication: My thanks to the people who showed me that opera was stranger than I could imagine. I can best repay their kindness by not mentioning their names here."
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Terry Pratchett quotes (page 57 of 72)
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"All the higher life forms scythed away, just like that. [ . . . ] Nothing but dust and fundamentalists."
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"There was a man and he had eight sons. Apart from that, he was nothing more than a comma on the page of History. It's sad, but that's all you can say about some people."
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"It is always useful to face an enemy who is prepared to die for his country," he read. "This means that both you and he have exactly the same aim in mind."
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"It is a long-cherished tradition among a certain type of military thinker that huge casualties are the main thing. If they are on the other side then this is a valuable bonus."
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"Well, yes, but it's not about the football." "You're saying that football is not about football?" "It's the sharing," she said. "It's being part of the crowd. It's chanting together. It's all of it. the whole thing."
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"Anyway, it's like with bikes,' said the first speaker authoritatively. 'I thought I was going to get this bike with seven gears and one of them razorblade saddles and purple paint and everything, and they gave me this light blue one. With a basket. A girl's bike.' 'Well. You're a girl,' said one of the others. 'That's sexism, that is. Going around giving people girly presents just because they're a girl."
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"This, milord, is my family's axe. We have owned it for almost nine hundred years, see. Of course, sometimes it needed a new blade. And sometimes it has required a new handle, new designs on the metalwork, a little refreshing of the ornamentation . . . but is this not the nine hundred-year-old axe of my family? And because it has changed gently over time, it is still a pretty good axe, y'know. Pretty good."
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"What was the point of education, he thought, if people went out afterward and used it?"
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"The trouble with thinking was that, once you started, you went on doing it."
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"I would not like it thought that I do not buy my own paperclips, sir. I enjoy owning my own paperclips. It means they are mine."
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"I see evil when I look in my shaving mirror. It is, philosophically, present everywhere in the universe in order, apparently, to highlight the existence of good. I think there is more to this theory, but I tend to burst out laughing at this point."
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"A lot hinges on the fact that, in most circumstances, people are not allowed to hit you with a mallet. They put up all kinds of visible and invisible signs that say, 'Do not do this' in the hope that it'll work, but if it doesn't, then they shrug, because there is, really, no real mallet at all."
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"What did they feed the lions and tigers with in the ark, sir?"
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"Were you proposing to shoot these people in cold blood, sergeant?" "Nossir. Just a warning shot inna head, sir."
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"If he'd been a hero, he would have taken the opportunity to say, "That's what I call sorted!" Since he wasn't a hero, he threw up."
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"Moist was sure doctors keep skeletons around to cow patients. Nyer, nyer, we know what you look underneath."
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"This wasn't food - it was what food became if it had been good and gone to food heaven."
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"Because some stories end, but old stories go on, and you gotta dance to the music if you want to stay ahead"
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"Never cross a woman with a star on a stick, young lady. They've got a mean streak."
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