"Dwarfs were not a naturally religious species, but in a world where pit props could crack without warning and pockets of fire damp could suddenly explode they'd seen the need for gods as the sort of supernatural equivalent of a hard hat. Besides, when you hit your thumb with an eight-pound hammer it's nice to be able to blaspheme. It takes a very special and strong-minded kind of atheist to jump up and down with their hand clasped under their other armpit and shout, "Oh, random-fluctuations-in-the-space-time-continuum!" or "Aaargh, primitive-and-outmoded-concept on a crutch!"
Quote collection
Terry Pratchett quotes (page 9 of 72)
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"Everywhere's been where it is ever since it was first put there. It's called geography."
"Rincewind tried to force the memory out of his mind, but it was rather enjoying itself there, terrorizing the other occupants and kicking over the furniture."
"Heaven has no taste." "Now-" "And not one single sushi restaurant." A look of pain crossed the angel's suddenly very serious face."
"The second mouse gets the cheese!"
"Death: Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know, that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom."
"Stupid men are often capable of things the clever would not dare to contemplate."
"The intelligence of the creature known as a crowd, is the square root of the number of people in it."
"Goodness is about what you do. Not who you pray to."
"Death was standing behind a lectern, poring over a map. He looked at Mort as if he wasn’t entirely there. You haven't heard of the bayof mante, have you? He said. “No, sir,” said Mort. Famous shipwreck there. “Was there?” there will be, said Death, if I can find the damn place."
"Rincewind shivered. He was not, of course, an atheist; on the Disc the gods dealt severely with atheists. On the few occasions when he had some spare change he had always made a point of dropping a few coppers into a temple coffer, somewhere, on the principle that a man needed all the friends he could get. But usually he didn't bother the Gods, and he hoped the Gods wouldn't bother him. Life was quite complicated enough."
"Inside every sane person there’s a madman struggling to get out."
"The Tezuman priests have a sophisticated calendar and an advanced horology," quoted Rincewind. "Ah," said Eric, "Good." "No," said Rincewind patiently. "It means time measurement." "Oh."
"Personally, I think the best motto for an educational establishment is: 'Or Would You Rather Be a Mule?'"
"Oh, a very useful philosophical animal, your average tortoise. Outrunning metaphorical arrows, beating hares in races... very handy."
"The IQ of a mob is the IQ of its dumbest member divided by the number of mobsters."
"The conflict is not between Christianity and Islam or between East and West - instead, it is between stupid people and other stupid people."
"If you don't turn your life into a story, you just become a part of someone else's story."
"Sometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness."
"There is always time for another last minute"