"You don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress."
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Quote collection
Tim Allen quotes (page 4 of 5)
97 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Men often do things for women that they don't want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don't want to do."
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"When somebody tells you they're not very smart, they're saying exactly the opposite."
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"Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?"
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"I like Pixie Sticks. Yeah, screw the middle man. Just a tube of sugar... I'd pour two of those in a big 12 ounce coke. And I'd go out to catechism class and try to concentrate on the priest. I saw Jesus several times. I swear I did."
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"Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end'. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me."
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"I'm actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats."
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"The world's a mean place. It's unfair, then it's fair. It's hateful, then it's loving. It's a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels."
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"My stepfather stepped in where no man would've stepped in - six kids, five of them boys - and that's heroic."
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"I blend memories. I blend them into one that's funny. I exaggerate to clarify."
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"Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them."
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"I'm sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults."
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"I don't understand why it has to be either - or - either socialism or democracy. Why can't we combine things to get the best of each system?"
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"If it doesn't say Binford on it, somebody else probably made it."
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"I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody's car."
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"I think there's a percentage [of the audience] that don't realize, that don't know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It's more of a ... it's not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone."
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"I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that's a good thing."
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"I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it's one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they're going to want something from me I can't give, or they're going to hurt me."
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"I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I've never gotten over it."
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"In the last three years of racing I've met as many women fans as men fans, and in NASCAR it's the same thing. My wife loves cars, but the difference is she doesn't have 20 years of understanding the background of them. She basically drives them and uses her gut feelings as to which is best."
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