"Men aren't men until they can get to Sears by themselves."
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Quote collection
Tim Allen quotes (page 2 of 5)
97 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon."
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"Be wary of listening to stories secondhand."
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"If it ain't broke, you can probably still fix it."
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"The people that hunt are the guys that really vehemently protect the environment. You find that people that live on ranches tend to want to keep it that way, and I've always loved that about the hunters that I've known. They eat what they kill, and they carry it out. They don't shoot for sport."
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"I look at it this way: How much of the day are you awake? You think, "I've gotta get that dry cleaning, I gotta get this going, and this, and this, and this." And all of a sudden it's dinnertime. And then there's a moment of connection with your spouse or your friends. Then you read and go to bed. Wake up and then it's the same all over. You're not awake, you're not living, you're not experiencing. We start early medicating ourselves. We start kids early, on TV and video games and so on."
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"As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view."
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"I have an only child. She's so independent and good with adults."
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"There are flaws in the way politics is reported in this country today and we should do something about it, .. Radio and television coverage of politics doesn't see its role as a mission to explain, but to destroy, in a pernicious culture in which journalists pit themselves against politicians."
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"Dog's listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you."
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"Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive."
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"My comedy is not mine. It's a gift. I'm not that smart."
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"Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, "And let there be aluminum siding." Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree's on a golf course, all the better."
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"Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything."
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"Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first."
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"They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times."
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"Man is the only animal to borrow tools."
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"Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing."
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"I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver."
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"Men aren't allowed to have self-esteem, because we're already supposed to have all the power.... But most men earn less than they want, barely the minimum wage. They're drones. They do stuff they don't want to do to support their families, and they're not sure why they do it. They don't know what they're doing half the time, and any time we stick up for ourselves, we're pigs because we don't know how to articulate our frustrations and joys."
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