"A gentleman is someone who can play the accordion, but doesn't."
"There's nothing that makes me laugh more than being in the situation where you're not supposed to laugh. Funerals. People crying. Breaking down. Telling you their life. I'm the worst. I'm the worst at that."
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More quotes by Tom Waits
"Don't plant your bad days. They grow into weeks. The weeks grow into months. Before you know it, you got yourself a bad year. Take it from me - choke those little bad days. Choke 'em down to nothing."
"We are buried beneath the weight of information, which is being confused with knowledge; quantity is being confused with abundance and wealth with happiness. We are monkeys with money and guns."
"when your down on your luck and you've lost all your dreams theres nothing like a campfire and a can of beans"
"I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy."
"The folks who know the truth aren't talking.... The ones who don't have a clue, you can't shut them up!"