Baby quotes
3.8K quotes on this topic — from poets, philosophers, and thinkers across history.
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Browse quotes that often appear alongside baby — connected by shared ideas and recurring themes.
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"I don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. If I'm going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old-fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before."
"I don't want to get the same looks I give people when they get on a plane holding a baby: "That's a cute baby, just keep walking, keep walking, keep going, keep going."
"I think the hard thing about this job [stand-up] I mean, I think this part is great but that the traveling is y'know, 'cause 'cause I'm gone a lot from home and this time I'm out for three-and-a-half weeks without going home, and that's hard, to be gone three-and-a-half weeks 'cause then I have to ask my friends, "Would you mind going to the house and watering the plants, and turn some lights on and make it look like somebody's home, and make sure that the mobile over the crib isn't tangled or the baby's gonna get bored."
"On a cold and gray Chicago morning another little baby child is born in the ghetto, and his Mama cries."
"Since my baby left me, I've found a new place to dwell, down at the end of Lonely Street at Heartbreak Hotel."
"I've always been intrigued with the variety of answers this generation will give their children who ask, "Where did I come from, Mommy?" They will range from "Number 176 vial in Buffalo, New York," to "You were defrosted.""
"Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn't going to fly. It's too risky for a woman to put a baby down and not remember where she left it."
"If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney."
"My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty."
"Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede."
"Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible."
"I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses."
"I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby."
"Babies are thinking and attracting before they are speaking. Even though you are only months old in your physical body, you are a very old and wise Creator, focused in that baby's body."
"Children or babies learn to mimic the vibration of the adults who surround them long before they learn to mimic their words."
"When I say I'll murder my baby's mother, maybe I wanted to but I didn't. Anybody who takes it literally is 10 times sicker than I am."
"Motherhood is an essential, difficult, and full-time job. Women who do not wish to be mothers should not have babies."
"I'm not much interested in travelling scholarships for women - or in fact in scholarships, tout court! - they'd much better stay at home and mind the baby. Still less am I interested in scholarships for female Yids."
"Every time I fold the baby's clothes I feel like a giant that got a housekeeping job with a nice family."
"Poetry is an enumeration of birds, bees, babies, butterflies, bugs, bambinos, babayagas, and bipeds, beating their way up bewildering bastions."
