Quote collection
94 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"I suppose that there are endeavors in which self-confidence is even more important than it is in writing -- tightrope walking comes immediately to mind -- but it's difficult for me to think of anybody producing much writing if his confidence is completely shot."
"The way I read Billy Carter's testimony, he was a model citizen himself until the voters went and ruined his life by making his brother President."
"By the way, did you fellows know that a hummingbird weighs as much as a quarter? Do you think a hummingbird also weighs the same as two dimes and a nickel? But then she asked a question of her own: How do they weigh a hummingbird?"
"The interesting thing about class warfare is that it's only class warfare if it's up, not down. If you talk about welfare cheats or something, that's not class warfare because it's down; you have to talk about rich people before it's class warfare."
"There's always a source for humor [in politics]. If it's inappropriate to write about, if there's nothing funny about it, then it's not funny. So it sort of selects itself. It has to. And plus, often something that wouldn't be funny at the time is okay to make jokes about later."
"A new regulation for the publishing industry: "The advance for a book must be larger than the check for the lunch at which it was discussed."
"Fairs are good places to eat, particularly for stand-up eaters--which is one of the kinds of eaters I am, although when I eat standing up away from home I sometimes miss the familiar cool breeze coming from the open refrigerator."
"I've decided to skip 'holistic'. I don't know what it means, and I don't want to know. That may seem extreme, but I followed the same strategy toward 'Gestalt' and the 'Twist', and lived to tell the tale."
"The margin of error in astrology is plus or minus one hundred percent."
"The food in such places is so tasteless because the members associate spices and garlic with just the sort of people they're trying to keep out."
"It has long been acknowledged that the single best restaurant in the world is Arthur Bryant's Barbecue at Eighteenth and Booklyn in Kansas city."
"Marriage is part of a sort of 50′s revival package that's back in vogue along with neckties and naked ambition."
"Following the Romanian tradition, garlic is used in excess to keep the vampires away."
"The Banh Mi sandwich is really the only good argument for colonialism."
"It happens to be a matter of record that I was first in print with the discovery that the tastelessness of the food offered in American clubs varies in direct proportion to the exclusiveness of the club."
"The question about those aromatic advertisements that perfume companies are having stitched into magazines these days is this: under the freedoms guaranteed by the First Amendment, is smelling up the place a constitutionally protected form of expression?"
"I do remember in high school I wanted to be a disc jockey."
"The price of purity is purists."
"There is a theory that sooner or later anything in America that is any fun at all will be ruined by people from California."
"Marriage is not merely sharing the fettucini, but sharing the burden of finding the fettucini restaurant in the first place."