"There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments."
"I don't write jokes first. I write down topics. I think of what I want to talk about, and then I write the jokes - they don't write me... And even if you don't think it's funny, you won't think it's boring. You might disagree, but you'll listen. And maybe even laugh as you disagree."
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More quotes by Chris Rock
"You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it's your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You're probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you're gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years."
"Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them."
"Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing."
"Never go to clubs with metal detectors. Sure it feels safe inside. But what about all those niggas waiting outside with guns? They know you ain't got one."
"So, to say Barack Obama is progress is saying that he's the first black person that is qualified to be president. That's not black progress. That's white progress."