"There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments."
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Quote collection
Chris Rock quotes (page 1 of 17)
334 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it's your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You're probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you're gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years."
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"Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them."
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"Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing."
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"Never go to clubs with metal detectors. Sure it feels safe inside. But what about all those niggas waiting outside with guns? They know you ain't got one."
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"In the world of animation, you can be anything you wanna be. If you're a fat woman, you can play a skinny princess. If you're short wimpy guy, you can play a tall gladiator. If you're a white man, you can play an Arabian prince. And if you're a black man, you can play a donkey or a zebra."
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"So, to say Barack Obama is progress is saying that he's the first black person that is qualified to be president. That's not black progress. That's white progress."
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"Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options."
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"The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let’s hope America keeps producing nicer white people."
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"I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity."
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"Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you."
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"You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best rapper is white."
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"Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you."
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"If poor people knew how rich rich people are, there would be riots in the streets."
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"I say everything's about company. A gourmet meal with an asshole is a horrible meal. A hot dog with an interesting person is an amazing meal."
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"If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game."
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"We treat racism in this country like it's a style that America went through. Like flared legs and lava lamps. Oh, that crazy thing we did. We were hanging black people. We treat it like a fad instead of a disease that eradicates millions of people. You've got to get it at a lab, and study it, and see its origins, and see what it's immune to and what breaks it down."
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"If you want to prevent abortions, you make sure everyone has health care, a high school education and birth control. Not the exact opposite."
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"Every man has to settle down eventually. You know why you gotta settle down eventually? Because you don't want to be the old guy in the club. You know what I'm talking about. Every club you go into, there's always some old guy. He ain't really old, just a little too old to be in the club."
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"When I hear people talk about juggling or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy because sacrifice infers that there was something better to do than the thing - than being with your children."
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