"Never place a period where God has placed a comma."
"I read a book twice as fast as anybody else. First, I read the beginning, and then I read the ending, and then I start in the middle and read toward whatever end I like best."
40 likes
Source: Funny Ladies: The Best Humor from America's Funniest Women. Book by Bill Adler, 2001.
About the author
Same author
More quotes by Gracie Allen
"We favor putting Congress on a commission basis. Pay them for results. If they do a good job and the country prospers, they get 10% of the extra take."
"This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances."
"A friend asked her doctor if a woman should have children after thirty-five. I said, "Thirty-five children is enough for any woman."
"This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn't say how far to separate them."
"They laughed at Joan of Arc, but she went right ahead and built it."