"Never place a period where God has placed a comma."
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Quote collection
Gracie Allen quotes (page 1 of 3)
42 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"We favor putting Congress on a commission basis. Pay them for results. If they do a good job and the country prospers, they get 10% of the extra take."
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"This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances."
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"A friend asked her doctor if a woman should have children after thirty-five. I said, "Thirty-five children is enough for any woman."
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"This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn't say how far to separate them."
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"They laughed at Joan of Arc, but she went right ahead and built it."
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"Today millions of people are living who will never do it again. Millions are being born for the first time - and millions are doing nothing because it's the best offer they've had this week. It is for these people and many others that the Surprise Party is conceived and desecrated, founded upon the principle that everybody is just as good as anybody else, even though they aren't quite so smart."
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"I don't see what difference it makes what side it's [your bread] buttered on. I always eat both sides."
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"The President of today is just the postage stamp of tomorrow."
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"A platform is something a candidate stands for and the voters fall for."
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"My mind works so fast. When I think of something I say it. Lots of times I say it even before I think of it."
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"I fully realize that every promise I make, the Republicans will double and the Democrats will redouble. They think this will make me vulnerable, but they don't know I have some tricks up my sleeve, along with a box of raisins to munch on while I'm waiting for the returns to come in."
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"My husband will never chase another woman. He's too fine, too decent, too old."
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"Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years."
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"I often put boiling water in the freezer. Then whenever I need boiling water,I simply defrost it."
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"I read a book twice as fast as anybody else. First, I read the beginning, and then I read the ending, and then I start in the middle and read toward whatever end I like best."
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"Some people are amazed at my brain, but really it's nothing."
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"Classic Recipe for Roast Beef: 1 large Roast of beef 1 small Roast of beef Take the two roasts and put them in the oven. When the little one burns, the big one is done."
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"Let's all pull together and make these United States the grandest place in this whole country. I see a vision. A glorious vision. A united people, marching forward shoulder to shoulder, giving their all for the common good, working while I whistle."
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"All the other candidates are making speeches about how much they have done for their country, which is ridiculous. I haven't done anything yet, and I think it's just common sense to send me to Washington and make me do my share."
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