"Never place a period where God has placed a comma."
"This country needs room to grow and expand. In all my own newspapers I read frightful tales of the shameful atrocities being perpetrated on our Democratic minorities in Maine and Vermont. My patience is almost at an end, and if provoked much further I will place both countries under American protection, even if I have to send in my tourists to start trouble so I'll have to send in a force to restore order."
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Source: How to Become President. Book by Gracie Allen, 1940.
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"We favor putting Congress on a commission basis. Pay them for results. If they do a good job and the country prospers, they get 10% of the extra take."
"This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances."
"A friend asked her doctor if a woman should have children after thirty-five. I said, "Thirty-five children is enough for any woman."
"This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn't say how far to separate them."
"They laughed at Joan of Arc, but she went right ahead and built it."