"Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes."
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Humorous quotes
Humorous
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Humorous quotes (page 28 of 81)
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"Nothing is more characteristically juvenile than contempt for juvenility. . . youth's characteristic chronological snobbery."
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"The real Oxford is a close corporation of jolly, untidy, lazy, good-for-nothing humorous old men, who have been electing their own successors ever since the world began and who intend to go on with it. They'll squeeze under the Revolution or leap over it when the time comes, don't you worry."
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"People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal."
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"Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus."
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"Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met."
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"We even switched to a newly-formed church across the town that gave one hundred and twenty trading stamps each time we attended. (We now worship a brown and white chicken with a sunburst on its chest.)"
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"Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the League."
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"Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake."
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"Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one."
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"With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield."
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"He's gone, and forgot nothing but to say farewell to his creditors"
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"The good or ill hap of a good or ill life, is the good or ill choice of a good or ill wife."
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"Feb. 9, 1999 Dear Friend, Without your previous support, Bill Clinton and I would not have won our victories for the American people in 1992 and 1996. ... And to win in 2000, I need you by my side."
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"It seems an easy choice - sacrifice the tree for a human life - until one learns that three trees must be destroyed for each patient treated. Suddenly we must confront some tough questions. How important are the medical needs of future generations?"
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"Mr. Bazzard's father, being a Norfolk farmer, would have furiously laid about him with a flail, a pitch-fork, and every agricultural implement available for assaulting purposes, on the slightest hint of his son's having written a play."
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"... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp."
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"If you could see my legs when I take my boots off, you'd form some idea of what unrequited affection is."
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"But Rosa soon made the discovery that Miss Twinkleton didn't read fairly. She cut the love-scenes, interpolated passages in praise of female celibacy, and was guilty of other glaring pious frauds."
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"... still his philanthropy was of that gunpowderous sort that the difference between it and animosity was hard to determine."
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