"I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence."
"I'd much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower."
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Source: Lewis Grizzard (1989). “Don't Bend Over in the Garden, Granny, You Know Them Taters Got Eyes”, Ballantine Books
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"In the south there's a difference between 'Naked' and 'Nekkid.' 'Naked' means you don't have any clothes on. 'Nekkid' means you don't have any clothes on and you're up to somethin'."
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""Have you done your homework?" my mother would ask. "I'll do it later." "You will do it now, young man. I don't want you winding up on the third shift at Flagg-Utica." Flagg-Utica was a local textile plant. Somehow, I never could figure how failing to read three chapters in my geography book about the various sorts of vegetation to be found in a tropical rain forest had anything to do with facing a life as a mill hand. But with enough guilt and fear as catalysts, you can read anything, even geography books and Deuteronomy."