"I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence."
"On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing."
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Source: They Tore Out My Heart and Stomped That Sucker Flat.
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More quotes by Lewis Grizzard
"In the south there's a difference between 'Naked' and 'Nekkid.' 'Naked' means you don't have any clothes on. 'Nekkid' means you don't have any clothes on and you're up to somethin'."
"It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato."
"There's no such thing as being too Southern."
"The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it."
""Have you done your homework?" my mother would ask. "I'll do it later." "You will do it now, young man. I don't want you winding up on the third shift at Flagg-Utica." Flagg-Utica was a local textile plant. Somehow, I never could figure how failing to read three chapters in my geography book about the various sorts of vegetation to be found in a tropical rain forest had anything to do with facing a life as a mill hand. But with enough guilt and fear as catalysts, you can read anything, even geography books and Deuteronomy."