Dylan Moran
Comedian
"People will kill you over time, and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like 'be realistic.'"
Comedian quotes
Comedian
758 quotes on this topic — from poets, philosophers, and thinkers across history.
Jim Carrey
Actor, Comedian
"My soul is not contained within the limits of my body; my body is contained within the limitlessness of my soul."
Bill Murray
Actor, Comedian
"The more relaxed you are, the better you are at everything: the better you are with your loved ones, the better you are with your enemies, the better you are at your job, the better you are with yourself."
Shelley Berman
Comedian, Actor
"As much experience, education and awareness as one can attain is important for a comedian."
Ellen DeGeneres
Comedian, Television Host
"Being a teenager and figuring out who you are is hard enough without someone attacking you."
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Comedian quotes (page 1 of 38)
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"They proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven't proved is that a prolonged life is a good thing. I haven't seen the stats on that yet."
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"I wanted to do - there was this film called 'Magic' that Anthony Hopkins did. And the director wanted me. The writer wanted me. Joe Levine said no, I don't want any comedians in this."
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"Am I the Irish comedian with half a finger? No, I'm the Irish comedian with nine and a half fingers."
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"Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God - I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again."
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"I feel sorry for confetti. Its useful life lasts about two seconds. And it can never be used again."
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"Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking"
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"I worry about my judgment when anything I believe in or do regularly begins to be accepted by the American public."
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"Being a comedian is like being a con man. You have to make 'em like you before you can fool 'em."
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"I don’t like writing for comedians. I like writing for actors. The best comedians are the best actors."
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"My wife asked me once if I weren't a comedian, what I would do. I couldn't answer the question. I never imagined doing anything else."
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"Some guys said 'Here's bop!' Wham! They said, 'Here's something we can make money on!' Wham! 'Here's a comedian!' Wham! Here's a guy who talks funny talk!'"
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"I'm not very funny in real life. I used to want to be a comedian when I was 13, 14, 15, till I saw "Death Of A Salesman" with Lee J. Cobb and Mildred Dunnock."
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"Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he doesn't curse."
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"It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious."
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"I was an actor before becoming a comedian."
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"I would like a ship for the hips, please. Ships and hips. Hipsters to stir with their hips on the hip ships. And, of course, hips. Yeah, hip. That's me. I also like sips. I'm a slow drinker. A sipster. I'm a sipster hipster comedian. Yeah, sips. But more hips. Hip, hipster, hip star, hiptard. Definitely."
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"I considered myself a professional comedian because the club would pay me $20."
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"Unfortunately, the show's success comes at the expense of its biggest asset -- the comedians themselves."
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"Comedians are sociologists. We're pointing out stuff that the general public doesn't even stop to think about, looking at life in slow-motion and questioning everything we see."
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"Comedians and jazz musicians have been more comforting and enlightening to me than preachers or politicians or philosophers or poets or painters or novelists of my time. Historians in the future, in my opinion, will congratulate us on very little other than our clowning and our jazz."
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