"NBC's priorities are Jimmy Fallon and Jay Leno, and then there's me."
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"The plate tectonics of media have shifted where NBC had to become a new media company from an old media company."
"The Olympics are getting mixed reviews. People are angry at NBC for showing a promo that revealed the winner of a swimming event even though the race hadn't aired yet. NBC apologized saying, 'We're just not used to people watching our network.'"
"There's a rumor that NBC is going to have Tom Brokaw fill in temporarily as the NBC News anchor. When asked why, a network spokesperson said, 'Because the only other NBC person we have is Bill Cosby.'"
"Despite the Brian Williams lying scandal, NBC News led in the ratings last week. Although I should note the figures were reported by Brian Williams."
"NBC announced that during the summer Olympics they will set a new record by airing over 1200 hours of coverage. Which is amazing because that's 10 hours longer than the coverage of Reagan's funeral."
"NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To Extradition.'"
"NBC has suspended Brian Williams for six months without pay. Williams said he's not worried because soon his veterans benefits will kick in."
"NBC executives say that if Donald Trump does run for president, they will not renew The Apprentice. So some good may come out of this."
"After Donald Trump's derogatory comments about immigrants, NBC has officially cancelled Celebrity Apprentice. Think about it: Donald Trump isn't even president yet, and he's already made America a better place!"
"Listen, I'm a big fan of everything on NBC. When I think of comedy on TV, I really think of NBC."
"Wow. Losing 95 percent of your audience in just five years. That basically makes Obama the NBC of presidents."
"NBC's a little jealous of CNN correspondent Wolf Blitzer. They want to get a reporter with a macho-sounding name too, so they're changing Irving R. Levine's name to Scud Shrapnel."
"I am the lead on NBC's 'Siberia,' and I loved that experience."