Quote collection
97 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they're fun, they do things together, they're best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom."
"Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded."
"I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children."
"Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison."
"A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days."
"If you don't decide where you're going, life will decide for you."
"Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of "Yeah, we might have to reboot.""
"Now the denominator ... why don't they just call it the bottom number? The denominator ... that sounds like a Schwarzenegger movie doesn't it? [impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger] I am the Denominator. I'll give your leg a compound fraction!"
"My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance."
"The greatest missile in the world is useless ... unless it's targeted. A torpedo is adrift unless it has someplace to go. An arrow is pointless unless it hits something. So it's important for kids--for everyone, even if you fail at first--to target something and head in that direction. With all your might."
"Real men don't use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer's opinion on how to put this together."
"When you're 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone."
"I'm a creative guy, artistically with graphics."
"Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we're just the tallest people living here."
"There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful."
"To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise."
"I love doing logos. I've been a graphic artist all my life."
"In my experience, it's all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers."
"Can a woodchuck chuck wood? Because the question is, "how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if," so you haven't established or proved without any shadow of a doubt that a woodchuck could chuck wood. Frankly, I believe that they chew wood. I don't think they can chuck wood at all! I take offense to the whole chucking question."
"All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew."